“I did feel like an outcast”

Starting School & Experiencing Depression

After Ozzy was able to leave the facility with her sister, their social worker who also found the family a place to stay, introduced the idea for her to start school in Japan. Ozzy who had only experienced being homeschooled was excited about being able to go to a public school now. However, little did she know her life in school was going to be filled with obstacles. Ozzy started to attend a Junior High School in Japan and recalls her first day at school as “overwhelming.” This was because – in her words – it was her “first day of being at a school with so many other people around,” and seemed to be a new world for someone who was homeschooled before like her. This new world was very different from what she was used to in Liberia, now she also had to deal with the many complexities of going to a school with other people. Secondly, she was not aware of the school culture in Japan which was even harder to understand as she had very basic Japanese language skills. The only conversation she initially made was with students whom Ozzy believes were genuinely curious about her. However, these conversations would never go past introductions due to the language barrier. Members of different clubs approached Ozzy to introduce their clubs, but after some time there were no more clubs to be introduced. Ozzy was left alone and the only person she had to talk to was her school counselor. She began seeing the counselor more often to fill in the empty time she had which was always spent alone. However, one day the counselor found Ozzy a friend. She introduced Ozzy to a Nepalese student that also spoke English and they soon became the closest of friends, she was Ozzy’s only friend. But Ozzy was soon left alone again after her only friend graduated, this is the time Ozzy labels as “the start of my depression.”

Ozzy recalls feeling involved with people only during various school events, like music festivals, sports festivals, or school trips. Otherwise, there was little to no conversation with anyone at school even during group discussions in class. This was the reason why Ozzy started to feel low and left out. To this day she believes people wanted to have a connection with her, they wanted to communicate, but language played a big role in making it almost impossible for them to form deeper connections leading her to feel the way she did. She had closed off on people and would take her classes then spend the rest of the day at home alone – sometimes doing nothing. However, a trip to the mountains of Nagano with her classmates, at the end of her second year at junior high school, gave Ozzy a chance to self-reflect. 

Students had to pay for their expenses, Ozzy’s mother was able to pay as they received support from the government office for her junior high school education. This was a decision Ozzy still cherishes. She recalls feeling free and the best she had ever since she stepped in Japan, during that trip. She remembers feeling the closest to her friends ever since she joined that school. It was on the second day of that trip she had a moment to herself skiing where she decided that she needed to do something about how she was feeling and possibly find ways to cope with it.

This active desire of finding ways to cope with how she felt, continued on to her third year at Junior high school. She realized she needed something that would motivate her to work on herself and she found that motivation in seeing her Nepalese friend again. Now Ozzy who had earlier almost given up on her life at school, started to work on her grades to be able to go to the same school her friend attended. She also decided that she should not be waiting for other people at school to make an effort to talk to her, instead, she needed to start making those efforts as well, and as a result, things started to change. Soon she stopped feeling the need to see her school counselor, as she now had actual friends she could talk with. Ozzy also took on hobbies to fill in her extra time. She joined an art club in her Junior High school. She recalls it as the first time she did something she genuinely wanted to do that also involved other people. Through this hobby of hers, she was also able to achieve having one of her group paintings displayed on Nakano Broadway and also prepare a showcase for the incoming Elementary school students. She believes art was an outlet for her to express herself.

Through her experiences in Junior High School, Ozzy found integration into her high school comparatively easier. She somewhat understood what was happening in her Japanese school now. Ozzy who was homeschooled had no friends back in Liberia. She had a few internet friends due to her interest in online gaming, however, she does not feel online friendships can compare to real friendships that are more intimate in comparison. Some of these friendships were found in classrooms but a lot of them came as a result of finding new hobbies at the new school. This time, Ozzy opted for the dance club. She had always liked dancing but never pursued it as a hobby, yet she finally did after running into a dance group at her junior high school and dancing with them for a while. This is when she realized it was still something she liked doing. Although the dance club is not quite how she would like it to be, she expects people in the club to be more motivated and giving towards the group and has a stronger team spirit. Regardless, even with all the struggles dancing makes her feel “free,” so she would not quit it. Ozzy shares:

“I dance away when I am stressed with school or the things in my life”

Maintaining Identity

“Yes, I am African. That’s my nationality, but my personality is not my nationality”

Having moved out from Liberia at a rather young age and living in several countries before arriving in Japan, Ozzy’s sense of identity has remained strong. At the young age of 17, she has learned to distinguish between one’s personality and one’s nationality, which are both a part of her identity. “Yes, I am African,” is what Ozzy said when asked how she identifies herself, but the understanding of being an African somewhat comes from her mother’s beliefs that Africans are strong people that know how to put their minds to things they believe in. “I am Liberian and you can’t take that away from me” is what Ozzy added when explaining that she doesn’t feel the need to be surrounded by a Liberian community. She does miss and wished to have contact with her roots from time to time, but she believes she has connected well with her Japanese friends and feels content with the people she has around her.

As an adult, feeling a strong sense of identity might be more common than having that as a refugee child. Ozzy, who left her home country at a young age, stopped in many different places before making it to Japan. However, the travels did not shake her strong sense of identity but only made her more accepting of the many things she learned and adapted to while she traveled. However, today Ozzy does not believe in choosing sides of personalities. She believes in being herself and that is the only way she would like to be identified. There is a common belief that one starts to “become” Japanese as they move to Japan, while Ozzy agrees that there are traits and characteristics that are more commonly found in Japan than in Liberia or any other country for that matter, she does not believe it has anything remotely to do with “becoming” Japanese. Rather it is an act of adapting and integrating into society. That acting upon certain characteristics after a change in location is merely dependent on territory and adapting to them, which she would have consciously or unconsciously done had she moved to Canada as well. In addition, refugees living in Japan often feel that their legal status becomes a tag to identify them. While Ozzy understands what it means to be a refugee, she does not accept her legal status to define her. She accepts living in Japan as a refugee but to her, it is just something that exists like other things in her personality. This might explain why she believes that all that has changed about her ever since moving to Japan, or all the characteristics she has adapted do not add up to make her more Japanese and less Liberian or change her identity, rather these are additions that became a part of her as a whole. 

On the other hand, Ozzy also recognizes that identity can be a two-way street. While she has her beliefs about her identity, people around her also identify her in one way or another. Ozzy, who has now lived in Japan for about four years feels that the people in Japan view her as a foreigner living in Japan. They do not have a deep understanding of her personality but just her exterior image in terms of how she looks or behaves that shapes their understanding of her identity. This is also the case in her experience at her school where people see her as a foreigner living in Japan.

Ozzy believes she knows Japan better than she knows Liberia and her experiences of living in the two countries are polar opposites, and she has had more chances to get in touch with Japanese society. Therefore she sees herself living in Japan in the future and having a home here. This would be a circumstantial choice for Ozzy as she cannot return to Liberia or travel to another country to make a living. On the other hand, she would also just be happy to be able to receive Refugee status in the next couple of years as it would enable her and her family to move ahead in life. This kind of situation is common with refugee children who have lived in their host countries from a young age, they get used to it more and make it their home over the country of their parents. However, the circumstances in which she gets to make Japan home stem out of the instability she has faced. She would accept nationality but she would also accept the refugee status as long as it means she and her family do not have to return to the country they escaped due to persecution. Currently, Ozzy and her family are stuck in the same cycle of renewing their Karihoumen and surviving day to day. This is why without a change in their visa status, Ozzy does not see her life-changing.

The Unknown Future

“I am not even sure if I would be able to go to university at all.“

Ozzy has time and time again repeated how her mother wants her daughters to focus on making a life that is better than the one she has lived. Education can potentially play a significant role in achieving that life. Ozzy, who is currently a high school student is already thinking about what comes next for her. She wishes to go to University, specifically Sophia University or the Tokyo International University but is also aware of the several hurdles she is and will continue facing due to her legal status in Japan. Although Japan is providing visas to more and more foreigners as students, people on the Karihomen still do not have the legal right to enroll in a University. It is required for a student to have a Zairyu card to apply for University admission. In addition, Ozzy and her family are dependent on organizations that support refugees for their finances. Ozzy fears how her family that struggles with meeting ends will have enough resources to pay for her University education. The other option that she sees for herself is through receiving scholarships to support her through her university life. However, that again will be dependent on her being able to receive refugee status. This is a common feeling amongst asylum seekers in Japan. Most times their legal status brings extreme uncertainty in their lives. For some, it is the ability to work, travel, or bring their families to Japan. For Ozzy, who is just 17, her legal status brings uncertainty to the rest of her future, she expresses:

Message to the Japanese Audience and Government

Ozzy is someone who wishes to stay in Japan long-term. Through her experiences in Japan, she has seen both the good and bad sides of Japanese immigration and the people in general. On one hand, she is happy with the people she has surrounded herself with, but it took her time and effort to be able to find those people. On one hand, she feels the Japanese government provides a better and more secure life to its residents, and on the other that they could be a bit more open to accepting not just refugees but foreigners in general.